When did my groove...
...become a rut? It still looks like a groove. Same as it did yesterday. And last week. And the week before that. The week before that I was in Trinidad, so that doesn't count. But before that it was a groove, I'm sure of it. But it just feels different lately.
I can't think of any one big thing that caused it. So then I started thinking it was a lot of little things. And today I tried a lot of little things to get out of it.
I ate better.
I worked hard all day.
I paid some bills.
Jake and I did 30 minutes of cardio.
Later we played some pool.
I found my water bottle and filled it thinking maybe I'm dehydrated.
I don't know what it is.
When Rachel got home, I listened to her talk about her day.
Then I told her about mine.
Then she did her thing and I did mine. We both had thngs to do.
Then I tucked her in around 9:00. And we got to talking. And I dumped 15 or 20 things that are on my mind. And I still feel like I had 15 or 20 more in there somewhere.
I came upon the notion that I don't have any long term goals right now. I mean, there's the ever present, "lose weight" and "save money." And I could definitely do better in both of those departments these days. But those are more like lifestyle changes I'm making and not really "goals." And I am making progress. And saying I want to lose 30 pounds and save $10,000 by August won't really change the fact that they are lifestyle changes and not goals.
Or will they? I don't know.
Rachel said I should write. Not blog, but write. Maybe just dig up some old journals and start typing them in to the computer. See what happens.
Maybe I'll try that.
If I come across anything amusing, I'll post it here.
I can't think of any one big thing that caused it. So then I started thinking it was a lot of little things. And today I tried a lot of little things to get out of it.
I ate better.
I worked hard all day.
I paid some bills.
Jake and I did 30 minutes of cardio.
Later we played some pool.
I found my water bottle and filled it thinking maybe I'm dehydrated.
I don't know what it is.
When Rachel got home, I listened to her talk about her day.
Then I told her about mine.
Then she did her thing and I did mine. We both had thngs to do.
Then I tucked her in around 9:00. And we got to talking. And I dumped 15 or 20 things that are on my mind. And I still feel like I had 15 or 20 more in there somewhere.
I came upon the notion that I don't have any long term goals right now. I mean, there's the ever present, "lose weight" and "save money." And I could definitely do better in both of those departments these days. But those are more like lifestyle changes I'm making and not really "goals." And I am making progress. And saying I want to lose 30 pounds and save $10,000 by August won't really change the fact that they are lifestyle changes and not goals.
Or will they? I don't know.
Rachel said I should write. Not blog, but write. Maybe just dig up some old journals and start typing them in to the computer. See what happens.
Maybe I'll try that.
If I come across anything amusing, I'll post it here.
posted by Eric Soderstrom at 1:36 AM
4 Comments:
I don't believe I need goals. Direction is good enough. I don't believe life should be segmented into small contained components separated by self-imposed goals.
For me, content is good. I enjoy the time I spend talking to my wife. I enjoy the time I spend riding my motorcycle and sometimes even enjoy... work. I still focus on where I want to improve - weight loss, owning a house, etc. But - I find that I am here now with what I have now. That is where most of my focus should be. I try to improve things, but I don't want to sacrifice everything I have for something I might get. Today may be your last day on this planet. Try to enjoy it.
Hey Rickers. I agree with Rachel. I think you should write. There's no question in my mind that you are a writer. Your mind works faster than anyone I know and it's full of brilliance, humor and observation - and heart too.
I find that goals help at times, but it's also a question of how do youwant to live your life, what do you value, and is your life lined up with your values. Sometimes, when things are off, we start to react at a deeper level and later the actual truth begins to surface. Keep writing.
The other thing is that this is the dead of winter which can bring us in touch with the dark night of the soul. Historically it's always been a time for turning in. The root for October is Oct or 8 - so why is it the 10th month? Decemeber (Dec - 10) so why is it the 12th month? I've heard it explained that somewhere in the past 2 months didn't really count because they were the two months where we really turned inward. Just a thought. You are good.
Thanks for that, Ted.
And Joe, it's not so much a diet as just eating better. It's a little boring, but I went for a couple of months where lunch nearly every day was a fruit smoothie, even when I was in Portland for a month on a project. If you load up with the healthy stuff every day, it almost doesn't matter what else you eat. But you find yourself not really wanting to eat anything bad. Also, I was doing 45 minutes of cardio 3 or 4 times a week. But somehow, it all falls by the wayside and you realize, "Holy crap, I haven't been on the elliptical in two weeks and I just had hot dogs for lunch." It's tough to get back on that horse, you know?
It ties in with that "right now" theme you touched on - it's just a matter of making a smoothie now and making sure I get back on the elliptical today. Tomorrow will take care of itself.
As for fast food - I think I ate it like twice all last year. Both times it was on a road trip. Oh, and once at the airport I had McDonald's, but mostly as a joke. Try renting Super Size Me and reading Fast Food Nation. When you get yourself intellectually immersed in how nasty the food is from the source to the delivery, it makes it easier to stay away. Then you end up keeping a big bag of trail mix always at the ready so you have a choice other than the drive through. That helps me, anyway.
Also - Rather than live my life like it was the last day, I try to live it like it's my first and experience the now with a sense of awe and wonder. Sort of a Shambhala concept of a "rising sun" mentality instead of the "setting sun" mentality. If it's my last day, why get on the treadmill? Literally and figuratively. In the setting sun mentality, I might as well let the grass grow, play Civ IV all day and eat grilled cheese and Fritos with a Hawaiian Punch chaser.
Obviously I'm doing better today. Thanks for the inspiration.
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