Anablog...

No, not a blog about Ana. The power was out, so I kicked it old school with an analog blog - that's a notepad and pen - so it's an anablog. My phrase. Use it freely the next time you find yourself with something to say and no internet access.

Note: It's difficult to imagine, but when looking at most of the pictures that follow, you have to remember that it is PITCH black dark except for my light goggles until I get the lantern set up. Everything looks normal because of the flash on the digital camera, but I assure you, it was dark, and our efforts impressive.

Here's where I begin dicating my anablog:

The power went out today. And not in a kind way. Brownout, then on a little, then off hard, brown in, brownout, brown in, then off hard for good. You know, the sort of power outage that sensitive computer equipment just loves. This all happened around 3:30 or four o'clock right after I clicked send on an important e-mail.

Even though I'm a responsible adult now, whenever the power goes out my first thought is still always, "Did I pay the bill?"

I waited a few minutes. Then I gave up, flipped the switches on my power strips, and called it a day.

I went upstairs and then out front to see if it was my house or the whole street. This is a tough thing to deduce in the daytime. I knew my neighbor was home sick with the flu so I went next door to check if she had power, still with the paranoid thought, "did I pay the bill?" Her power was out too, thus confirming my status as a responsible adult. So there, parents.

I checked on Jake's homework and gave him a couple of chores to do and lay down with an ice pack and took a little nap. Physical therapy was pretty intense yesterday, what with the whole traction machine and all, and I was feeling pretty sore. And besides, any excuse for a nap is good enough for me.

Rachel got home from work just as I was drifting off to sleep and asked what I was doing. I explained that my shoulder hurt, I was tired, the power was out so I couldn't work, and I was going to take a nap.

She woke me up as it was getting dark, a little freaked out. "The power still out, I don't know what we're going to have for dinner, all I could find is the little flashlight, but I lit candles and I'm wearing your light goggles... oh and Scrubs is on tonight..." Something like that.

Oh, and it's Jake's birthday today. I lay back savoring the warmth of the covers contrasted with the still cold ice pack on my neck, planning my next 10 or so moves.

Step 1 -- Grab the four-cell flashlight that I keep by my bed.

Step 2 -- Step out onto the patio to fire up the grill.

Step 2 sub-step b -- "Honey, where's the long lighter you used for the candles?" It seems the last ham bake clogged the grill ignitor.

Step 3 -- Grab the light goggles for the treacherous mission downstairs. Mission goal: Retrieve Coleman lantern.

Step 4 -- Retrieve lantern. Notice Rachel swooning at the sheer magnitude of manly man she married. The look on her face says, "Wow, I know he can cook, and he's a computer geek, and he's top 10 in the Good Lovin' Department, but I often forget how good he is in a crisis. What a man, what a man, what a man, what a mighty good maaa-an (a mighty mighty good man)."

Or perhaps she was just hungry.

Step 5 -- Recall mental picture of refrigerator contents in order to retrieve the maximum number of required food items with minimum loss of cold air.

Step 6 -- Slap that flank steak I started marinating yesterday on the grill -- upper rack to slow cook.

Step 7 -- Retrieve propane cylinder from shelf in garage.

Step 8 -- Retrieve red the emergency duffel bag from closet by front door which contains, among other things, emergency whistle, emergency blankets, battery-operated radio, first-aid kit, several mag light flashlights in a variety of sizes, batteries, a deck of cards, and most important of all tonight -- 2 sets of mantles for the Coleman lantern. I'm glad there were two sets.

(Remember, it's completely dark)

Step 9 -- Assemble the lantern and install the mantles. And here's where things get ugly. It seems there's been some advances in mantle technology since I last camped. The familiar drawstrings have been replaced with strange wire contraptions. I was puzzled. I did what any man would do, I forged ahead. I looped the wires around the gas jets, replaced the globe, screwed on the top, turned the gas on full for three... two... one...Hit it! Ignition -- POOF! Then flareup. Then smoke -- a lot of smoke. Then mantles falling. Abort! Abort! Abort!

Because I was baffled by the new mantles, I forgot two key things:

1.) You need to burn mantles before you use them.

2.) RTFM! The directions were printed on the plastic bag the mantles came in, and they are really quite simple to install. In fact it is a vast improvement over drawstrings since you no longer need to touch the mantles all. All you have to do is loop one end of the wire over the other and you're good to go.

I tried to impress upon Jake just how serious a mistake this could've been. "Son, do you remember when I had you read Jack London's To Build a Fire? Well fortunately, no one is going to die tonight. But if I hadn't bought two sets of mantles, we'd be eating dinner by flashlight. Let this be a lesson to you, son. Buy two of everything... no wait, scratch that -- the lesson is... I mean, the lessons are, be careful and read the directions."

Step 9 sub-step b -- Get the lantern working right this time, with the added pressure of knowing that if I screw up this time, Jake will spend his birthday playing shadow puppets and I will suffer a temporary loss of affection from the woman I love.

Step 10 -- Flip the steak.

Step 11 -- Prep the vegetables.

From here on, it was smooth sailing. We had shelter and water from the get-go. We now had light, fire (the grill), and food. I would have built a fire but it was really nice out today and the house is still really warm because I left the drapes open. In fact the sliders are open as I write this and it's still 75 in here.

Anyway, everything was set all I needed now was my wok and a cocktail. I turned the vegetable prep over to Rachel and went downstairs to get the Grey Goose and a Red Bull.

Yikes! That scared me. The power just came back on and my appliances are really grumpy when they wake up.

I'm going to give it a few minutes to make sure it's on for good. And then fire up the laptop and dictate what I've anablogged so far and then try to land this post.

Or maybe Scrubs is on. Dial 767-1111... "At the tone, Pacific Standard Time will be 10:41 and 10 seconds... beep." Nope. And it doesn't even matter that I don't have TiVo.

(Pitch black - think The Stranger: Darkness warshed over the Dude - darker'n a black steer's tookus on a moonless prairie night. There was no bottom.)

Someday I will post about the God of Cooking, Alton Brown. Notice how I am cutting this flank steak...

I am cutting against the grain at a 45 degree bias. If you cut it with the grain to make it look pretty, you will chew each piece for half an hour and then barely choke it down. This way, it is a tender delicious portion you can cut with a fork.

Anyway, we enjoyed our dinner together by lantern light. Then Jake opened his presents and had a piece of cake.




This was one of those times where parents often overlook how great their kids are. It didn't occur to me at the time, but if it was my birthday, I would be good and pissed off that I got an amp and a CD in the middle of a power outage and I couldn't use either. He's a good kid, that Jake. Oh, and his report card came home today and he got a little over the B average we require. So he is on for wrestling and we can relax and enjoy our trip to Disneyland next week.

Oh, I almost forgot. In that picture of the grill above, notice the four lights off to the right. That would be the lights on a house on the next block. It seems the power outage was limited to our block. Word on the street is - and this is coming from a couple of 9 year old girls, so it has to be true - that too many birds landed on a wire and brought it down. I'll try to confirm this tomorrow. But, come on, too many birds? I think the lines should be able to handle all the birds in Glenn's picture and be OK. Then there's the 40 or so homes being built on our street. My money is on contractor screw up or PG&E's lack of maintenance - despite their cute little commercials these days that would lead you to believe they actually cared and did a good job around here.

But whatever, it's on now. Thank you Mr. Edison.