It's hard to relax...

Well, I should say, it's hard for me to relax. I had a nice chat with Paul yesterday about relaxing and not feeling guilty about it. And he has some good points. And he practices what he preaches. But I still found it hard to sit out back because of all of the clutter and projects and such. So I spent some time tidying the area where I will be spending most of my time.

I started by tidying the deck and getting the Martha shade set up again. Jake and I took it down a few weeks ago on a really windy day when it flipped upside down. So that area is all nice. And then I moved the lattice that I had pulled out from under the deck to paint back under the deck (unpainted still). And then I pulled some lingering weeds on Glenndale Beach.

I checked the chemicals in the hot tub and rinsed out the filters so it would be all set for me to relax.

And then I turned the filter on in the pool and set up the chlorine dispenser and such.

And then I took one last walk around the property for the annual inspection. I'm glad the lot behind ours is overgrown - it makes my yard look better. Every year I do the same thing - freak out about the inspection and the $500 fine I'm so sure will be levied. They keep saying there are no exceptions and you must have 100% compliance. And I'm so worked up about it - what if I missed a few weeds? Did I check on the other side of the house? What about this star thistle? Is that over two inches? So I took another pass with the Weedeater, and then realized that the culvert was all full of leaves and debris. Culvert maintenance is supposed to be a shared responsibility, but nobody does anything but me. So anyway, I raked the culvert. That was probably my least favorite task of the day.

I changed the filter on the pond. It was gurgling, and I've rinsed the same filters that came with it for a couple of years now. And I had ordered some replacements on eBay that came last week. What a difference. Those little orange blobs are goldfish - the koi stay deep during the day. And see, now this is a good example of my struggle. In the picture I see those empty planting containers and the pot I used to add water clarifier. I need to go deal with those. Hang on, I'll be right back...

There, that's better. Now where was I?

Oh yeah, relaxing. OK, so I also put away all of the various and sundry tools we'd been using for the pool set up. And I moved the gazebo over closer to the pool so it looks sort of like it belongs there as opposed to where it was before, just sort of askew in the middle of the lawn.

That took some doing with just me. Move one corner a few inches, move the other corner a few inches, straighten this side that's bending, OK, now that side, ok, and now the front side a few more inches and so on over the course of 15 feet or so. Then I moved our 'B' patio set under the gazebo. And I got the chair pads out from under the house. Then I got some duct tape to fix the broken part of the gazebo. It was broken before- not from me moving it by myself. And then I placed some rocks to level it. And then I sat down with a cold beer under the gazebo. And then the grass was tickling my calves, so I mowed the lawn.

And then when the lawn was mowed, I sat down again. And then I thought, gee, some music would sure be nice and relaxing. So I went and got the old stereo from the garage sale pile in the garage. And while I was there, I got irked by how messy the garage was. So I spent a half hour breaking down a bunch of recycling and tidying a bit. We really need to have that garage sale. Anyway, then I set up the stereo and the rock speakers.

And then I got a new beer because the one I started was warm. And then I noticed how dry the grass was, so I put the sprinkler on. And watered the roses.

And by the time I finally got in the pool, the sun was setting. But it was still really nice. Just floating. Filtered setting sunlight through the oaks. Blue skies with the occasional cloud and vapor trails. I put our mechanical fish in the pool and said, "Hi" to him whenever he came around. And I took a few shots from 3-point range on the little floaty basketball hoop. That was fun until I went long and it went out of the pool and I had to go retrieve it because it is just the right size for Cody to get his mouth around and puncture. Then back in the pool and more floating.

So I did manage to relax, it just took a lot of effort.

I know in one of my journals I had noted this character trait of mine that I really wanted to work on. Maybe I made some progress, but I don't think so. For some weird reason, I need everything to be perfect. So when it's time to go somewhere, I am always late because I am running around grabbing every toy or tool that I think might come in fun or handy. And I spend too much time and energy trying to create perfect moments instead of just being in the now and realizing that now is all there is and as perfect as it is ever going to get.

And that's great, I realize this on an intellectual level, but how do I get it in my gut and make it a permanent lifestyle change? Any suggestions?

I plan to pick up the book I never finished...



And I also want to reread my old Shambhala book. That always does me good. I might even get my butt on the cushion a bit. Maybe by the pond. With some music and incense...see, there I go again.

Anyway, I decided to avoid the temptation of nuking hot dogs and made myself a yummy spread for dinner. I grilled some ribs and chicken, made a batch of dirty rice, grilled some corn, and heated up some beans. Poured myself a nice tall Newman's lemonade, too.

And then I sat down, man style, and watched...

[SHOOTER]

That was great. Oh, but man, I need to go deal with those cables that are showing on the left side of the TV.

I also came up with another thing for my list of cool things about having the house to myself.

2.) You can fall asleep listening to the music you love to fall asleep to but your wife can't stand falling asleep to.

Last night it was Pink Floyd's The Final Cut. Which is great until you are all dreamy after Southampton Dock and Final Cut and then "FUCK ALL THAT WE'VE GOTTA GET ON WITH THESE!" jolts you awake again. I forgot about that.

So then I finally completed a goal I had forgotten about. I set the iPod and alarm and finally woke up to "Time." You know, with all of the different gongs and bells and such. That was cool this morning.

I got up, fed the dogs, and then went back to sleep until ten.

Then I made some coffee and stuff.

Today I plan to work a bit on the upstairs, but I'm going to do it later in the day. Right now I am going to go enjoy the relaxing space I created yesterday while the sun is still up.

Oh, and I do think blogging is relaxing for me.

I haven't heard much from back East. But Rachel sounds good when I've talked to her. They went to the pool yesterday and then drove back to Jersey.

Hey Glenn, why don't you snap a few pics and put them up on your blog. I'll link to them.